A few months ago we got a letter to say that she had been accepted into a great local daycare centre for two days per week starting early next year. I organised some orientation days, put them in my calendar and pushed the idea of her going to 'school' as she calls it to the back of my head because as much as I am excited for her and know that she will thrive in this environment, I'm just not really loving the idea that she's going to be away from me and in the care of somebody else - a stranger really.
The days have rolled around quickly and we've been talking a lot about how she will be going to school soon and she was super excited. When I first visited there to have a look around she left my side basically the minute we walked through the doors, happy to look around and play on her own while I talked to the teachers. I was happy that she was so comfortable there and on the way home she couldn't stop gushing about how she had seen a cow, and a sheep, and chickens, and a sand pit, and cars to drive in, and a vegetable garden and... I knew she was going to love it.
We packed her bag this morning with a hat, her water bottle and a spare change of clothes and as she put her backpack on I nearly died from cuteness overload. When we got there and walked through the doors, the centre director was there waiting for her and gave her a big hello and I immediately felt a little more at ease. Ella briefly looked at her and then proceeded to go straight to her classroom, on her own. The director was very impressed by her independence. I walked into her classroom and met her teacher and was then encouraged to leave to see how she would react. I felt like I was going to burst into tears but didn't want to upset her when she was clearly so happy and not a bit worried so I said a quick goodbye, gave her a big kiss and told her I'd be back later to take her home.
I was then taken to the room where I assume all the mums are taken to do their ugly cry as they realise that their baby is all grown up. Orientation was only for an hour (yes, I realise how pathetic it sounds that I was so upset about the whole thing when she was only going to be out of my sight for an hour, but that hour symbolised so much more than that) and I sat there looking at the clock wondering if she was ok or if she was in there crying because she wanted her mama.
The hour passed painfully slowly but sure enough one of the teacher's brought her back to me, with her oversized backpack on and told me that she had done so well. She didn't once cry and was happy to play in the classroom as well as spend time outside in the sand pit and get into all sorts of mischief. We had a quick chat and then she left us, ready for us to go home. Ella had different ideas though, she did not want to go home! I was gutted and relieved all at the same time. "I don't want to go home mama!" she yelled as I tried to take her hand and lead her to the car. Eventually I had to pick her up kicking and crying to get her into the car. Not even the lure of going home to nanny and Lucas made her change her mind, she was adamant she wanted to stay. I assume that most children they see cry when they are left at day care on their own for the first time, but not my Ella, she cried because she didn't want to go home!
I strapped her into her car seat and she kept on with the not wanting to go home talk. "I want to go back to school mama!" was then followed by "I'm sad mama... I think I need a lolly pop to make me feel better." We got home and she rushed inside to see Nanny and tell her all about her morning. Nanny later confessed to me that she burst into tears when we drove away as the reality that Ella was really growing up (and quickly) hit her, just as I had been sucker punched too.
She has one more orientation in a fortnight and then as of the start of the new year, she will be into the full swing of things two days a week. God knows what I'll be like when I have to actually leave her for that first full day!
Watching her grow is such a bitter sweet thing.
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