Daddy's going back to work...

Tim was lucky enough to take three weeks off from work after I had Lucas, however today is the last day that he will be spending with us before he goes back to work tomorrow.  As much as he isn't really looking forward to going back to work after such a break, in a way I think he will feel relieved to get out of the house and away from all the chaos!

I've been so lucky to have him around to lend a helping hand whenever I needed it.  He has looked after the babies while I have caught up on sleep, he's taken Ella out on little adventures to get a bored toddler out of the house and let me have some time alone with Lucas, he's cooked, he's cleaned and more.  It's so easy with two babies when you have an extra pair of hands.

We've also spent some really nice days together as a family as well which has been so nice, particularly as the weather has warmed up.  We spent the day at Manly the other day walking around in the sunshine and we also spent the day at Luna Park on friday which was so much fun.  Ella had a ball at Coney Island sliding on all the slippery dips - there were many tears when we left!  Not even the promise of ice cream would appease her.

I am almost dreading tomorrow morning when Tim walks out the door.  How am I going to tend to a screaming Lucas when Ella is in the bath?  Who is going to whisk Ella away from removing everything from the fridge when I am feeding Lucas?  Who's going to make me cups of tea in the morning (ha ha)?  How on earth am I going to cook dinner in the evening?  I know that plenty of women do this every day but for me right now this seems really daunting.

Tomorrow is going to be challenging.  It's going to be a long day.  I am trying to stay positive and tell myself that "I've got this", but sadly I am predicting tears, not just from my children, but many from me too!  As with anything though, it will take time to adjust and eventually I know we'll find a natural routine that works and it will get easier.  In the meantime I'll just keep repeating my mantra - "I've got this" and hope that the more I say it the more I will start to believe it.

Big Sister

Before Lucas was born we worried what it would be like for Ella to have a new person enter into our family.  Ella is a typical little Leo in every respect - loud, proud and she commands attention from us no matter where we are.  I have to admit I was preparing myself for the worst, imagining myself sitting down to feed Lucas and having her trying to pull me off the couch and screaming because she wanted me to do something else, but yet again, she has proven me wrong.

I can remember the first time she visited me in hospital after having the baby and meeting Lucas.  She walked into the room timidly with Tim and my mum.  I sat on the bed, Lucas in his crib next to me.  "Mama, mama" she exclaimed excitedly as she climbed onto the bed and examined all of the wrist bands I had on and the bandaid from where they had placed a canula.

She didn't notice Lucas straight away and it wasn't until we pointed him out that she realised there was a baby there.  She had a puzzled look on her face but we explained that the baby in my tummy had come out and that she was a big sister.  We had been trying to prepare her by telling her often that she was going to be a big sister and that soon we would have a baby in the house, but it is one thing to tell a near 2 year old that there will be a new baby, and another thing for them to actually comprehend what that means.

Eventually she warmed up to Lucas and began to softly pat his head and quickly hold his hand before giggling out loud.  It had only been a day since I'd seen her but somehow she seemed so much bigger now.  Even when I picked her up she seemed so much heavier.

When I came home from the hospital she played contentedly next to me as I fed Lucas and not once has she whinged when I have had to leave her to tend to a crying baby.  She is my little helper, even going so far as to hold the breast pump while I am expressing.

I know it's only early days and things could change but so far she has been perfect.  A little more clingy to daddy than usual but that's about it.  I am so proud of her.  She seems so grown up now compared to two weeks ago.

Each morning when she wakes up she says "morning baby Lucas!" and several times I have found her lifting the valance of Lucas' bassinet to peek inside at her baby brother.

I can't wait to see their relationship develop and I'm so looking forward to hearing their laughter floating through our house as they play together.

In just two weeks time she will be turning two and yet again I find myself asking where the time has gone.  I am so proud of this little girl.

Welcoming Lucas

On saturday 6th July, in the wee hours of the morning we welcomed little Lucas into our family.  His birth was completely different to that of his sister yet the experience was just amazing and I can't help but feel so lucky to have another perfect baby to care for.

I started to have a bloody show on the thursday morning much to my shock.  I guess any time you see blood during pregnancy you immediately assume that something must be wrong (or maybe it's just me being paranoid).  I called the midwife at the hospital just to get some advice and they said just to sit tight and that everything was normal.  I cried.

Tim went to work as normal on thursday and my mum came over to stay with me in case anything did eventuate.  We went to the shops and got some last minute groceries and bits and pieces - I wanted to try to walk around as much as possible to try and bring on the labour but thursday came and went without any further signs of labour.

In the early hours of friday morning I started to feel achy but still nothing significant which would indicate that anything might happen any time soon.  Tim didn't go to work that day, instead we decided to spend the day out and about.  It was beautiful and sunny so we took Ella to a fun play park and as we sat in the sun watching her I began to feel more regular tightening sensations in my belly and knew that soon enough I would have my baby in my arms.  We ate hamburgers for lunch followed by churros and hot chocolate and with full bellies we went home and all three of us had an afternoon sleep.

After dinner that evening I started to have more painful contractions and at around 8pm we started timing them.  Again, I called the hospital to let them know what was happening and they suggested that I take some panadol and try to rest as much as possible.  I went upstairs to get the panadol and was hit with a wave of really painful contractions and knew that I would not be able to rest, baby was on his way.

I had forgotten what contractions were like.  I've always thought of myself as very tolerant of pain but the ferocity of these pains during what is known as 'early labour' had me worried about what it would be like later on.  With each contraction I had to get down on all fours and try to breathe as calmly as possible while Tim ran around trying to get the dog ready to take to my parents house and put everything in the car.

At around 10pm Tim woke Ella and we packed her into the car - it was time to go.  As I sat in the front seat moaning and swearing with each contraction, I'm not sure what Ella thought her mama was doing. She didn't say much, except at each traffic light (we seemed to get every red light) the minute it turned green she would yell out "gween, gween, go daddy go!"  I gripped the head rest of my seat tightly and as we rounded each corner and my body tensed the pain was excruciating.

Soon enough we had arrived at my parents house.  Quickly we let the dog out and my mum took Ella.  As we pulled straight out of the driveway to go to the hospital I heard her say "love you mama" and I cried.

We pulled into the emergency department and I was immediately placed in a wheel chair and taken up to the delivery suite.  The contractions were coming so fast that I didn't feel like I was having any break in between.  I tried to remember the breathing techniques from my hypnobirthing CD but all that had just gone out the window.

The nurse handed me the gas to help ease the pain and I immediately brought up my dinner.  I didn't feel like the gas was helping with the pain but it did help me take big deep breaths.  The pain was becoming unbearable and I told the nurse I wanted to have an epidural because I was only 5cm dilated and I wasn't sure how long I could put up with it any more. She explained that she could call the anaesthetist but she felt like the baby would be here before he would.  I was scared and tried to tell myself that I could do this, all the while squeezing Tim's hand so tight that it was sore the next day.

The obstetrician arrived not long after and it was then that my body just started to take over.  I had absolutely no control over what it was doing.  I was 8cm dilated and everything was happening quickly now.  I sucked on the gas with my eyes tightly shut.  I could hear everybody in the room and the calm voice of my doctor telling me what to do.  Every muscle in my body was tense and the urge to push was overwhelming.  I screamed and grunted guttural sounds from deep within me and in my mind I could visualise the baby coming out.

My body continued to keel over and my muscles constrict when the doctor told me to open my eyes and look down and I saw my babies head.  The doctor told me not to push again until he said to and it took everything in me not to, but the minute he said the word I pushed as hard as I possibly could and then my baby boy was warm on my chest.  His cry was so soft and his skin so smooth.  I stroked him as tears ran down my cheeks.  He looked just like Tim.  It was 12:52am.

Reading back over this I realise I can never do the story justice, there simply are no words to convey fully what the experience was like.  The full extent of it is and always will just remain a feeling I have inside of me.  A feeling I will never forget.

Two weeks exactly have passed now and he has already put on 500 grams.  He is growing like a champ and has fit into our family perfectly.  Each day I can see him looking a little more like Ella as he fills out.

Tim has had two weeks off work which has been amazing (and we have another week with him at home).  I have been able to rest and heal (although I do still have signs of popped bloody vessels in my eye from pushing so hard!)  We have spent unhurried days together as a family of four, all getting to know one another.

Lucas, you're just beautiful and we love you so much.  Welcome to our family.

The waiting game

We've been playing the waiting game around here lately.  Waiting for the sun to come out after two weeks of rain, and of course waiting for the new addition to our family to make his entrance.

I am happy to say our old friend, sunshine, has finally returned.  After two weeks of rain and overcast weather I am so pleased to see the sun and feel a little bit of warmth during the day.  

The first day of sunshine we had was on sunday afternoon.  We took Ella bowling on sunday morning as it was raining...again... and we were trying to think of something fun we could do with her to get us all out of the house.  I have to admit that I was a bit worried about how bowling would go - it could be really fun, or turn out to be a disaster if Ella wasn't into it.  Thankfully she had a great time.  From the moment she put her special bowling shoes I could tell she was going to have fun (her shoes were so tiny and she looked so cute in them!!).  It kept her amused for a whole game and she had such a look of pride on her face when she knocked the pins over.  She even beat Tim!!  I couldn't stop laughing at that one because Tim takes his bowling very seriously.

When we emerged from the bowling alley, the sun was out and the clouds had all but disappeared so we decided to go for a drive to get some lunch at Pie in the Sky before Ella was due for a sleep.  Yum!  A lamb, honey and rosemary pie later and an apricot takeaway pie later and this mama was a happy lady!  We went home and all had a nice afternoon nap and then decided that we would go for a long walk to the park to take advantage of the weather.  It was such a simple but nice family day.

They say that doing lots of walking can bring on labour but our long walk didn't do a thing.  My due date has been and gone and I am just feeling like I am in a stuck in some sort of limbo which is extremely annoying.  The upside however is that I have a final date to work towards - I have been booked in to be induced on Tuesday next week if nothing happens sooner.  So, at some point within the next 5 days I will have a beautiful baby boy in my arms.  So very exciting!