I had a vivid image in my mind of how the day would be and played it over and over in my mind before I went to sleep each night. And that was my downfall. I over thought it all - I have a tendency to do that. When I'm really looking forward to something I plan every little detail in my head and picture it all and play it out in my head. The only problem is that other people are usually involved in these activities that I am excited about and I forget that they don't see these visions in my mind and so inevitably and unintentionally they throw a spanner in the works and into my perfect plans and everything is ruined.
Poor Tim usually cops the brunt of my irritation and disappointment in these situations. For example if I'm really looking forward to the weekend after a long week I will plan out all the things that we'll do. On friday night we'll get takeaway and watch a movie on the couch while we cuddle. On saturday morning we'll go out and get breakfast at a cafe. Ella will be on her best behaviour and people will come up to us and tell us how beautiful she is. I'll have eggs benedict with smoked salmon. Tim will have pancakes with a side of bacon and we'll have caramel milkshakes together. And so it goes, our whole weekend is mapped out in my mind.
But the thing is, Tim doesn't want to snuggle on the couch for the entire movie on friday night because he doesn't have room to stretch out and his arm gets stiff when my head is on his shoulder for too long. He doesn't even want to go out for breakfast in the morning, he wants to sleep in (it is his weekend after all too) and even if we did go out, Ella's not a robot that can be programmed to not be in a foul mood because she doesn't want to sit in the high chair any longer while we eat breakfast and inevitably will end up throwing some sort of screaming fit while we quickly scoff our breakfast and caramel milkshakes and run out the door with our heads hanging in embarrassment because she's making such a fuss! And so then I sulk like a three year old because things hadn't gone the way I envisaged them and I'm in a bad mood for the rest of the day, or perhaps the rest of the weekend. Stupid I know... but that's how my head works sometimes.
Anyway, back to the party. It was themed yellow. I bought different types of yellow material to make bunting and table runners, matching plates, heck, Ella even had a yellow and white outfit picked out for her. It was beautiful and perfect!
I had planned to make her a bird cage cake for her party because she is obsessed with birds but when I started to put it together I wasn't happy. Despite my mum telling me that it looked great, I just didn't like the way it looked. That wasn't a great problem as I made another cake and was really pleased with how it turned out even though it was completely different to what I had in mind.
But, while I was making the cake I received a phone call from Tim's sister. "We can't make it any more" she said and I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice. Jaiden had been vomiting the night before and so they didn't want to pass any bugs on to anybody else. Completely understandable but I could't help but feel sad that they wouldn't be there for Ella's first birthday party. The first time that we would all be together as a family and the first time that all of her cousins would be able to play with one another. And their family would no longer be in all the perfect photo's that we would take on the day that I had seen in my mind and that I would show Ella in years to come.
Mum spent the day with me on friday and helped make the bunting while I baked and we had lots of fun together. It was all coming together nicely.
Party day arrived. The sun was shining and it was as if it was a beautiful spring morning. I went out early to set everything up at Tim's mum and dad's place while Tim stayed home and looked after Ella until party time. I picked up bunches of yellow and white balloons and happy yellow daffodils and jonquils for the tables. It all looked perfect.
It was nearly party time so I had to duck home to get Ella and Tim. I walked in the door and Ella was screaming her head off and Tim wasn't handling it too well. We got her dressed eventually and I wanted to run out the door so we wouldn't be late, but Tim hadn't even packed her bag - too busy playing Medal of Honour (or something like that) while Ella had her morning sleep. So I got the shits and quickly put everything together and soon I was slamming the door shut and glaring at Tim while I backed out of the driveway.
Ella was so excited when she arrived. Huge smile on her face and for the rest of the day she just walked around the garden exploring. I swear she would have walked about a kilometre in total that day!
It was all going along really nicely. All my family had arrived, Tim's mum and dad and Tania (Tim's other sister) was there and everybody was happy. Tim's brother had rsvp'd to say that he'd come but hadn't arrived so Tim tried to call him to find out where he was so we'd know when to start cooking the bbq. His call was diverted to message bank. A few minutes later Tim's mum received a text message saying that he was no longer coming.
Another big disappointment. Tim's mum was really upset because now half of their family was missing and she felt awful that I had gone to so much trouble and catered for so when I didn't actually need to. I am sure she had pictures in her mind as well of all her family being together on this special occasion.
I was really annoyed with Jon. He must have had a big night out the night before or something. We still don't know because he hasn't bothered to contact either Tim or myself to apologise for not coming.
My family are close. Not close that we see each other all the time or talk on the phone a lot, but we always get together for special occasions like this, no questions asked, and always have a great time together. There is no way that my brother would not show up for something like this and vice versa, I would never not show up to his boys birthday party or other occasion. Even if I had a raging hangover, I would be there playing with his kids (in-between hanging my head in the toilet bowl) because that's what's important to us.
I started to get upset again at this point and I could see that Tim was not happy. This was the not the plan. Not the way it was supposed to be. But then I looked around and realised that I shouldn't be upset about anything. Half of Tim's family were there (better than none!), my family were all there having fun and Ella had a huge smile on her face.
We ate and drank together in the sunshine, the boys played with giant bubble makers while Ella chased them and everyone was having a good time. Ella ate cake for the first time and loved it and we all sat on the grass while she opened her presents. At the end of the day we let her helium balloons go up in the air and all watched and laughed as we saw them become tiny specks in the sky and wondered where they would end up.
It didn't matter that Ella trod on dog poo in bare feet, that the hat that I desperately wanted her to wear because she looked so cute (and that I spent a long time making) wouldn't stay on her head, that I forgot to put her birthday candle on the cake and that she got so cranky when we sang happy birthday that she cried. And whilst it was sad that Tim's brother and sisters and family weren't there, it's not the end of the world. While these are not the memories that I had imagined in my mind, they are good memories none the less. And at the end of the day Ella had a great time and that's really all that matters.
No comments:
Post a Comment