My first day back

Over the last few days and nights Ella has been very unsettled.  Most of the time when we put her in her cot she may protest for a minute or two but not long after she would settle herself down to sleep and would stay down for two hours or so at each nap time.  But not this week.  Any time we tried to put her down she would scream and scream and scream.  Sometimes a bottle would help, sometimes just a cuddle was necessary, and sometimes it didn't matter what we did, she would just continue screaming.

Every time she has an episode of screaming I always tell myself "she's just teething" and that's the reason why she's out of sorts.  But this has been going on for quite some time and so far no little teeth.  Maybe I'm just blaming teething, when in actual fact I just don't have a perfect baby who doesn't cry, as so many mum's would wish us to believe.

Yesterday she was particularly bad and I was worried that when mum came to look after her today Ella would be a nightmare and she'd have second thoughts about what she'd gotten herself into!

Thankfully once Ella finally went to sleep last night she didn't actually wake until around 4am and I gave her a bottle and she went straight back to sleep (thank God!) which meant that I could get in an hour or so more sleep before I had to get up and get ready for my big first day back at work.

Getting out of bed wasn't too hard and it wasn't long before I was into the swing of my usual routine.  I just had to get up a half hour earlier than I usually do so I could shower and get ready before getting Ella up and ready and Nanny arrived.

Surprisingly I was able to get all that needed doing done before I had to leave.  I even made some puree's up for Ella for the week and made lunch for Timmy. I was on fire!  Let's see how long that lasts...

It wasn't long before Nanny rushed through the door with her big smile and raced straight for Ella who mirrored her great big gummy smile back.  I warned mum that she had been particularly grizzly so to not be surprised if she didn't sleep well, and rest assured that it was not that she was doing anything wrong if she cried.

Time for me to go...

It was hard to walk out the door, with the realisation that from this day forth, every week, three times a week, I would be leaving her for the day.  I felt pangs of sadness as I got in the car and looked back at the house to see Nanny and Ella at the window waving to me.

"Pull yourself together Al!" I told myself.  It's just 6 hours.  And with that, I cranked the iPod and made my way to work.  I must admit, in a way I felt free.  I could listen to whatever I wanted as loud as I wanted, I could sing (badly) whatever I wanted as loud as I wanted and didn't have to worry about waking the baby or whether or not I had remembered to pack enough nappies or bottles for a day out.

I was welcomed back to work with lots of smiles and we're so glad to have you back's which was really nice.  It didn't take long for me to get back into the swing of things.  I was afraid that I may have lost my working groove but it all came flooding back to me.

The day went quickly and although I checked my phone a few times in the morning, it wasn't long before it was home time.  And it was then that I sat there and thought about the things that I had missed during the day.  Like the smile on Ella's face when she first wakes up from her sleep, followed by her big stretch when I get her out of her sleeping bag and how she always pushes her big belly out, then pants like a little puppy dog in anticipation of getting out of bed.  Or how she never fails to blow raspberries at me when she has a mouth full of pumpkin and sprays me with orange gunk, then laughs hysterically at how clever she is.

It was at that moment that I wished I was home.  Soon enough I was and there was Ella and Nanny just as I had left them.  Both with beaming smiles on their faces.

Mum was quick to tell me how good Ella was.  What a relief!  She had put her down for her sleeps and each time she lay down without a peep and just turned her cheek to the side and closed her eyes.  Bless!  They had both had a good day and I could tell that mum had really enjoyed the time that she had spent with Ella.

A quick cuppa and then mum left.  Ella was tired by this stage, rubbing her eyes and whinging.  I went upstairs to put her to bed and the moment I lay her down, she screamed!!  I couldn't believe it.  I picked her up to console her but it didn't matter what I did, she was not happy and wouldn't go down.  Was she angry that I had left her all day?  Did she want her Nanny back?  Was I doing something wrong?  Maybe it was just those teeth...

It reminded me of the first few weeks that I had Ella and she used to just cry all the time.  And so would I.  But then mum would come over and pick her up and she'd be fine.  I hated and loved my mum all at once in those moments.  Why could she get Ella to stop crying and I couldn't?  But by the same token, I was so thankful that I had such support and eventually I began to believe mum when she told me that it wasn't me doing anything wrong and that I was a good mama.

Eventually she calmed down and had a little sleep and when she woke she was happy as Larry again.  We read books, played games, had dinner and a bath and I must admit that I relished in that time we had together and really concentrated on just being with her and not thinking about anything else or being distracted by the computer, or the television, or my phone, or other meaningless things I waste my time with.  My short break away from her had reinvigorated me and reinforced to me that going back to work was a good thing after all.  For my sanity and being able to reclaim some 'me' time while I was away, and for my renewed appreciation of the time that I do have with my beautiful Ella.