Racing Back To Me: Our first family holiday

Tim and I hadn't been on holidays for over two years, and we'd never really been anywhere long term with Ella so we decided it was well overdue and got planning a fun beach holiday. Nothing but lazy beach days, eating and dozing, or at least that's what we had in our minds. Sunny Queensland was our destination. Beautiful one day, perfect the next... that's what they say.

Unfortunately the reality of our holiday was a little different. We packed the car to the brim (I have no idea how we will ever fit everything into the car once the new member of our family arrives!) and set off on our adventure in the pouring rain. Not only was it POURING in Sydney, but all the way up the coast and into Queensland.

We drove up the New England Highway as the Pacific Highway was closed due to flooding. Despite the rain it was a nice drive as we flew past green pastures with fat cows, and trees lining the sides of the road with red apples hanging heavy on the branches.

Not knowing how Ella would go on the very long drive we decided to break the trip up into manageable parts and she was a true champion. She slept and kept herself amused the whole time and on the rare occasion that she did kick up a fuss, on went the Play School CD and she was calm and happy again.

Our first night was a disaster. After being sick the week prior, Ella was off her food. It didn't matter what we put in front of her, she wouldn't eat it. Our first night the only thing she would touch was hot chips, and this became her staple for the remainder of our two week holiday. Hot chips and sushi, oh, and ice cream. Healthy right! Her eating habits were making me so anxious. After eating basically nothing for a week while she was ill, she couldn't just survive on those things, she needed healthy vegetables and fruit and meat to build her back up. But she wouldn't have a bar of it. I got more and more anxious and frustrated each day as I tried to give her these other foods but she just pursed her lips and shook her head furiously.

Our other challenge was sleep. I knew that sleep would be a challenge given that she was in a new bed and in new environments, but I wasn't quite prepared for how difficult it was. The first night she went down with no problems at all but I'm sure I jinxed us by high fiving Tim before we went to bed because it wasn't long before she woke up crying. Because we were in a small hotel with paper thin walls I couldn't just let her have a little whinge and hope she would go back to sleep like she normally does. I tried everything that night. We tried everything that night. Nothing worked. I sent Tim to Ella's bedroom to sleep since he was facing a long drive the next day and I sat up with Ella from 11pm to 5am when she FINALLY went to sleep...for an hour until the people next to us woke up and consequently woke us up.

Ella was chipper even after only an hour of rest. I, on the other hand, was not! I was tired and pissed off, and that basically set the tone for my holiday.

We continued our road trip through the torrential rain until we finally reached Noosaville. Our apartment was nice and in a great location, but it was teaming with rain, non stop. The lack of sleep, the frustration and anxiety of Ella not eating, plus the hideous weather (having to keep a grumpy toddler indoors all day was not fun either!) put me in the foulest of foul moods and brought out some of my worst parenting moments. I was impatient and cranky, not only with Ella, but I was quick to attack Tim any time he opened his mouth as well.

After 4 days of non stop rain, no sleep and crankiness I had had enough. I knew I needed to pull myself out of my slump so I decided just to let things be. It is what it is, I told myself and I tried to look on the bright side and try to enjoy things rather than waste our time together. That night I imagined sunny blue skies and lying on the beach, and in the morning I woke to.... pouring rain. But instead of getting angry, I just laughed. The rain did steady to a very fine mist for a small time so that we could go for a walk along the river which was nice and things slowly got better.

I've never really considered myself an anxious or controlling mum. I always thought of myself as fairly easy going and laid back but my recent behaviour showed the contrary and the more I thought about it, the more I realised how anxious I really was in certain situations. We never really go out for dinner together because we feared that Ella would kick up a stink half way through and would scream/cry and upset patrons and we'd have to do the walk of shame out of the restaurant. When we go places I always carry her or put her in the pram because generally if I let her walk she will just bolt, and then I have to chase her, and then she cries when I catch her and then it's all downhill from there. But after my moment of "it is what it is" clarity I realised that I was just setting her up for failure, setting US up for failure. How was she going to learn if I didn't give her the opportunities?

So, despite the rain, we got out and about more and enjoyed ourselves. We went for long walks each day, even in the rain and let Ella go. Sure, she bolted, and sure, there were tears at times and tantrums when she didn't want to hold our hands, but by the end of the holiday she walked proudly by us holding our hands (mostly), only dropping them momentarily to wave and say hello to somebody as they passed by.

We ate out at nice restaurants too. Again, there were tears sometimes when we had to wait too long or when she was just fed up being in the high chair, and there were plenty of sideways glares from other people as she cried or banged forks, but I didn't care any more. She's a kid, and that's what kids do. I packed a bag of things to entertain her which we took everywhere and it was a God send. Crayons, stickers, pipe cleaners, balloons, you name it, it was in my bag of tricks and did a great job of keeping her entertained when she started to get restless. I also learned that a cup of ice can keep her entertained for at least 20 minutes, leaving Tim and I enough time to enjoy a nice dinner. We will definitely start going out more with her now that we are home too.

The rain didn't let up for the entire two weeks that we were away which was disappointing. There were only a few days where the sun actually touched our shoulders. We didn't get to swim at the beach because of dangerous rips plus the beach was so dirty from all the debris from the flooding rivers. We did however meander through markets, go to Australia Zoo, Underwater World and did lots of exploring and driving through small coastal towns, swam in the pool, ate lots of nice food and watched a little too much television. It was relaxing. Eventually Ella decided she didn't hate her porta-cot any more too and we even managed to get some sleep.

It may not have been the holiday that we had dreamed of, but I sure learned an important lesson....it is what it is. I really need to stop worrying about things so much. Sometimes it's best just to 'do' and not 'over think' and sometimes jumping in muddy puddles is really therapeutic!

We arrived home yesterday after a very long drive. We walked in the door and were so glad to be home. We found that mum had been around and cleaned the house for us and stocked up on fresh food for us. So thoughtful and such a nice gesture. There was even curry in the fridge for dinner so I didn't have to worry about making anything. God bless that woman!

As much as it's nice to get away for a holiday, gosh it's good to be home.

A very full car

Ella playing at one of the lovely parks in Armidale. Such a pretty town.

Playing in the park after visiting the Eumundi Markets. I bought Ella a beautiful little
hand made doll, and Baby Number 2 a gorgeous little pair of hand made shoes.