Slow down

It's been over a month since we did a pregnancy test at home and found out that we were expecting again.  Tears of joy ensued.  I am obviously very excited about it but it is very different to last time.  Every morning after we found out that we were pregnant with Ella I would roll over and say to Tim "we're having a baby!".  It was all we could think about.  Now, when I wake in the morning it's at 5.30am when Ella starts calling from her cot and all I want to do is roll over and go back to sleep.  Then I get up and go about my daily things.  Cleaning the house, running around after a toddler, going to work etc etc.

Occasionally when I get a minute to myself I will sit down and put my hand on my belly and marvel at what's going on inside it, but most of the time I 'forget' that I'm pregnant and I feel extremely guilty about it!  It was only last night that I actually had a chance to physically see the doctor and finally get a referral for my obstetrician.  I just made an appointment now to visit him in a few weeks time so it all feels a little more real now.

Rest assured Little One, we're so happy you're here, mama just needs to slow down a little bit and be more present more often.

A long time between drinks

Wow, it's been a long time since my last post!  Time has just flown.  It's not that I haven't wanted to write on here but we just came into our busiest period at work and I am absolutely flat out from the moment I arrive in the morning until the minute I leave and so the last thing I want to do when I get home is sit at the computer, even if it's only for a short time.

I also received some extremely sad news about 5 weeks ago which has really made me reevaluate a lot of things that I do with my time and it made me realise the truly important things that I need to focus on, my home, my family and my friends.

A close friend of ours was diagnosed with ocular melanoma about 3 years ago.  Unfortunately they had to take his whole eye in order to remove the cancer, but that wasn't so bad, he had a glass eye in it's place and everything was 'fine'.  He started experiencing some chest pain recently and so went to the doctor and unfortunately found out that the cancer had returned and this time was in his lungs.  Secondary cancer was a huge shock but something that was treatable, until they found out that he had 27 lesions on his lungs.  Not good.  And after further testing they have also found that he has the first stages of cancer in some of his bones also.

The news completely knocked my socks off.  When I heard about it, the wind was simply knocked out of me in exactly the same way as it was when I found out that my mum had cancer.  He's a happy go lucky kind of guy, has a heart of gold.  He's my age, only 33 and has a little boy just three months older than Ella.  I think that makes it harder for me to digest as well.  It breaks my heart that he will not see him grow up.  He has opted not to have any treatment at this point because it would mean that he cannot interact with his son the way that he wants to.  An admirable, but again heart breaking, thing to hear.

That kind of news really makes you stop and think about life and what's important and I've been consciously focusing on those things alone.

This is what I've been up to:

Making lots of cakes!  This was a wedding cake for a friend's brother.  I really love making cakes, it's one of my passions and although it's hard to fit in the time to do it, I need to because it makes me happy.

After years and years of saying that I want to learn to play the guitar, I finally am!  After picking up Tim's old electric guitar and learning a song on it, I decided to buy my own guitar.  Happy to report that I am actually not bad at it considering I don't know the first thing about playing but YouTube has taught me a lot!  And when Brian Adams sang "...played it til my fingers bled", he wasn't kidding!  Ok, so my fingers haven't bled, but they blistered and peeled after the first day of playing for a few hours!

Spending lots of quality family time together.  Not necessarily going places, but just being together and enjoying the simple things.

Spending time in the great outdoors! Fixing up our garden so we can enjoy it this summer.

Catching up with great friends instead of just saying "Let's catch up" and not actually doing it.

Tim and I have also have initiated a weekly "date night".  We don't necessarily have to go somewhere but each saturday night we take turns in organising something or cooking a special dinner together so that we can spend meaningful time together, instead of just getting caught up in the hum drum of everyday life.

So, date night seems to be working wonders for our relationship!  I found out two weeks ago that I am pregnant!  Planned but still a surprise at the same time.  All happened very quickly but we are over the moon.  It's only very early days yet (I'm almost 7 weeks) but fingers crossed everything continues smoothly.

A little roadside happiness

I've always lived in the city, however spent a lot of time in the country growing up and I always feel at my best when I'm in quiet, wide open spaces.  I feel grounded.  I dream of one day living in the country.  A dream that I think of often, but don't quite think I am ready for at this stage in my life.

Although in my mind I have romantic notions of living in a quaint little house in the country with Tim, growing my own fruit and vegetables and raising babies who can run around in the wide open spaces, getting grubby and learning about nature, I recently came to terms with the fact that the timing of this dream is not quite right. 

I am not ready to leave family and friends behind to venture somewhere new and start over and at the back of my mind I wonder if it may also mean that my children may miss out on certain opportunities which may not be available to them in rural areas.  Having said that, there are innumerable things that growing up in the country can give you that you don't experience living in the city.  I was lucky enough to experience the best of both worlds in a way.

Right now, we live in the suburbs of Sydney, but only a very short drive away the buildings get smaller and farther apart and things become greener.  I love that on my way to work, in a matter of minutes I am looking at open paddocks and can see the mountains in the near distance.  I am thankful that I am driving towards this instead of the chaos of the city each day.

With my window down and the fresh air blowing in, my mornings are instantly lifted.  I drive by roadside stalls selling fresh fruit and vegetables and beautiful flowers.  Where there's an honesty box to pay instead of a cash register which seems so out of place in this day and age, but I'm glad it's not.  I feel good about buying fresh produce from a local farmer rather than going to a big supermarket chain (although I still have to do my fair share of this) and the flowers that I place on my table always last longer and make me feel happier when I look at them than when I buy a bunch from a florist at the shopping centre.  Somehow it just seems more meaningful.

The pictures above are of a tiny stall that I drive past each day on the way to work and whenever I see it, it just instantly lifts my mood.

So while one day I will have my quaint house with Tim, and my fruit and veges, perhaps the children at my feet with be visiting grandchildren, rather than my own babies.  I love living in the burbs, in our first house that we worked hard to buy together and poured so much into to turn it into our home, because again, I have the best of both worlds.  For now I will settle for this cart to be my romantic notion of country happiness each day.

The weekend

This weekend was spent mainly outside in our little back yard.  The weather was just perfect.

I made daisy chains and clover crowns with Ella while Tim worked on building a new retaining wall.

The photo below is not the best to demonstrate it, but gosh I love seeing my husband wearing work boots.  I reckon he's got better pins than I do!

Under the weather

Our household has been pretty  quiet for the last week or so.  Last weekend I was hit with a bug that knocked me out.  I haven't been that sick in a long time.  Throat on fire, completely blocked nose and bad cough.  Not so nice.

Tim had been trying to fight the same thing off for a few weeks and Ella came down with a very mild version as well.  So we were all feeling a little sorry for ourselves.

I am finally starting to feel back to normal now and as I came out of the haze I had a new drive to get things in order.  I spent the day on friday sorting out all our paperwork in the computer room and starting a spring clean.  It felt good to do those things.

Yesterday all I felt like doing was cooking.  Four years ago Tim and I went to America for an extended holiday.  Best time of my life ever.  We loved New York (who doesn't) and ate the best pulled pork I've ever had there, so I decided to try and cook it myself.

I found a recipe here and set about cooking it slowly during the afternoon.  I'm happy to say that it turned out really well and was absolutely delicious - so tender and juicy.  Not quite the same as what we had in New York, but great none the less.  I'll definitely be cooking it again.

Ella ...13 months

Stats:

• Height - 181cm
• Weight - 13 kilos
• Clothes - size 2
• Shoes - size 4

Loves:

• Nanny - Every time nanny comes to the door you light up and wave like crazy.  Even I don't get that reception when I come home!  I don't blame you for loving her so much though.
• Cheese!  If there's one thing that you love to eat it's cheese.  Even if there's nothing else I can get you to eat.  You can't quite say the word but you often sit in your high chair and bop up and down saying "chee" while clapping.  Sultana's are also another favourite.
• Wandering around the backyard or park.  You could spend hours on end just walking around and exploring and never seem to get tired of it.
• My iPhone.   You have just worked out how to turn the screen on and love to look at the screen shot photo that comes up of you and daddy.  It's scary how easily you learn how to use the phone and you know how to run your finger across the screen to move it, and pinch your fingers to make a picture bigger or smaller.  You're 13 months old for heaven's sake!
• Listening to music and dancing.

Hates:

• Leaving the park.  I dread putting you back in the pram because you kick and scream as if you're being abducted by a stranger and everyone stares at me!
• Being told that you can't do something.  It's your way or the highway according to you.

Words:

• Mama
• Dada
• Bubba
• Archie
• Chee (cheese)
• Quack (as in the duck sound - however you say 'kuck, kuck, kuck' every time you see a bird.  Close though. 
• Puppy
• Bird
• Elmo.  You love  your Elmo doll but your first pair of shoes was a little pair of sneakers with Elmo on them.  You now insist on calling any kind of shoe 'Elmo'.

Life

I haven't written anything on her for quite a while now.  I haven't really had much to say.  Actually that's not quite true, I have a lot of things swirling around in my mind but I'm not really sure I know how to articulate them.  Maybe they don't need to be articulated.  Who knows.

My little reset the other weekend did me a world of good though.  I've had a completely different outlook on things.  The warmer weather has certainly helped.

I've been spending my days (when I'm not working) outside with Ella, enjoying the sunshine on our shoulders and the warm air blowing on our faces while we swing and run around on the grass.  

Life is good.