Happy Halloween?

We don't celebrate Halloween.  In fact, I really don't even know what the meaning behind the day is and I'm not sure I fancy strangers giving my kids lollies, but children love to dress up and some mother's like to go a little crazy dressing their kids in cute costumes just because they can. Or is it just me???  See exhibit A and B below.

I've always wanted to try my hand at face painting so this afternoon we made an impromptu trip to the shops to buy some face paints and a few little props so that I could turn Ella into a witch/goblin.  As I was buckling her into her car seat and explained what we were going to do, I told her it was all in the name of Halloween and that children dress up on this day and knock on people's doors and get lollies.  Her face beamed "Ooh, I love lollies mama.  That's my favourite." she exclaimed.

Thankfully when we got home she forgot all about the lollies and was more interested in becoming a witch.  She flew around the lounge room on a makeshift broom and cackled loudly as all good witches do.  Despite the fact that we don't celebrate Halloween I bought a packet of chocolates to give to any kids who knocked on our door because I don't like disappointing children and also don't like the thought of some brat doing something to my car when I tell them I have no treats for them, but it's 9.30pm and there hasn't been a single knock.  I guess other people don't like the thought of strangers giving their kids lollies either.

 

Lucas' new trick

During my first pregnancy I did everything I was supposed to do, or maybe a better way of saying it is that I didn't do all the things I wasn't supposed to do.  No soft cheese, no deli meats, etc etc.  I religiously checked books and pregnancy websites to see what was supposed to be happening during each week of my pregnancy, and likewise when my little bundle of joy arrived, I checked the baby websites to see exactly what my child was supposed to be doing and learning each week.  It sounds tedious, and now that I look back on it, it was.  I was always looking at what was supposed to be happening next, rather than just enjoying the current stage.

Second time around is a little different.  I didn't consult the books and websites during my pregnancy and I ate my fair share of foods that I 'shouldn't', within reason of course.  And when Lucas was born I didn't have the urge to pull out all my books to see when exactly he should be smiling/focusing/reaching and all the fab tricks that these babies learn so quickly, I am trusting that it will just happen when it is supposed to happen.  I am enjoying watching him develop and learn new things and celebrating the milestones as they occur, rather than watching him do something cool and then thinking what's next.

He smiles like a champ, coos and babbles delightfully, watches me like a hawk whenever I walk into the room and yesterday, my little boy rolled over for the very first time.  I am soaking in all these great moments while I can because he's almost four months old already and I don't need to make the time go faster than it does.

I'm so proud of my happy little boy, and he's pretty chuffed with himself too.

Fire season

The sky is an eery orange colour, not like a beautiful sunset but like how an apocalypse is portrayed in movies.  It casts bright orange shadows on the walls and the minute you walk out the door you are confronted with the heavy smell of smoke.  We're only half way through spring and already we are experiencing the most devastating bush fires that we've seen in years.

I was raking the back yard yesterday while Ella was playing and was amazed to see that it was blanketed in black burnt leaves and pieces of ash.  The fires are burning hundreds of kilometers away yet the debris is wafting through and settling in our backyard in the middle of Sydney.  Most of the leaves are still perfectly formed, just  blackened.  But there are other pieces of ash and I wander what they may have once been - maybe it's just an old branch, but maybe it's part of a page from a cherished photo album from one of the hundreds of homes that have been decimated.

I feel so sorry for all the families who have lost absolutely everything. I donated money yesterday to the Salvation Army bushfire appeal, and although it wasn't much, I do hope that it benefits those in need in some small way.

Flying Solo

Right now I feel like a tennis ball bouncing back and forth, back and forth in what seems like a never ending volley.  On thursday Tim left for a friends four day bucks party at Airlie Beach.  Why it had to be for four days and why it had to be thousands of miles away, I have no idea.  He doesn't go out with his friends often any more so I wasn't about to give him a hard time about it, but I've gotta say that I wasn't looking forward to a very long four days on my own.

I give props to any person who parents on their own.  It's not easy, and it's only been three days for me so far and then Tim will be back - that's nothing compared to others.  Overall the kids have been pretty good but as soon as I tend to one, the other needs something.  It just seems relentless and I do realise that that's what being a parent is all about but I also know how much easier it is when there is a second pair of hands to help out, even if it's only for a short time at night time after Tim gets home from work.  I am exhausted.

For the first day Ella didn't really understand what it meant when daddy said he wouldn't be home for a few days.  Yesterday she started to get a little bit teary, but today has been waterworks non stop.  "My daddy, my daddy" she keeps on wailing and it breaks my heart.  I just put her to bed about twenty minutes ago and I've already had to go up there four times because she has "runny eyes" that I have to wipe.  If I tell her daddy will be home tomorrow and to stop crying it just seems to make it worse.  I don't think I will get much sleep tonight.

There's a strange quietness in the house once the kids are asleep though.  It has been nice to just do my own thing on my own time frames and I've crossed a heap of things off my to do list that had been lingering on there for way too long.  Sitting on the couch feels strange though without my toes being able to kanoodle with Tim's.

I promised Ella that tomorrow we will go to the park that she loves and then after she has a sleep in the afternoon daddy will be home again.  3.30pm can't come soon enough.  I miss daddy too.

Life lately

The last few weeks have been a blur.  We've been a busy little family but life is good.

 For Father's Day last year I bought Tim a voucher to do a helicopter flying lesson and he only just got around to booking it.  Off we went to the airport and watched daddy fly away.  Ella was extremely impressed and so was I.  He absolutely loved it and wanted to take more lessons.  Problem is, further lessons cost around $400 per hour (much more than what I paid for this experience via Red Balloon Days).  If you want to get a private helicopter pilots license you have to do at least 50 hours flying time.  Seeing that Tim was very interested in doing something like this, the senior pilot gave him paperwork outlining what was involved and said that if we paid up front we could get a discount and it would cost only $40,000.  Ah....no!  Sorry, we don't have a spare 40K to drop on the table.  As good as I think Tim would look in a pilot's uniform, unfortunately we have to squash that dream.  Lucky he's got a back up dream job of being a race car driver.

Lucas is 14 weeks old now and is an absolute rascal.  Always smiling and laughing.  He has the best temperament and is a very easy baby.  We went to a friends holiday house on the Central Coast on the long weekend and he was an absolute dream.  Our friends are expecting a baby in December and have requested one the same as Lucas seeing how good he was.  He sat in his bouncer, or played happily on the floor until it was time for bed and then when it was sleep time, we wrapped him up, he turned his head to the side and went to sleep.  This happened for the whole two days.  He makes me want to have another baby... immediately.  However now that I have said how good he is I've probably jinxed myself and he will turn into a little demon.

Speaking of demons... we come to Ella.  She has a split personality these days as most toddler's her age do.  One minute she is crying, screaming and throwing a huge tantrum and the next minute she is an angel and sweeter than sugar.  It's all about pushing boundaries and finding her feet right now, or so I have to keep telling myself so I don't go mental.  But no matter how hard some days may be with her, I always find myself gushing at the end of the day when Tim comes home about all the cute things she did that day.

She is quite the conversationalist now and comes out with some hilarious thoughts, unfortunately however it is mostly about poos and farting (doing fluffy's as she says) as thinks both are hilarious.  Although we aren't fully toilet training her at this stage, sometimes I ask if she would like to sit on the toilet just to try and go.  Tonight after her bath she said she needed to do a poo, so I asked if she would like to sit on the toilet.  Every two seconds she would peer behind her to see if anything had dropped into the toilet bowl, which it hadn't until after about 3 minutes when she beamed and said "my pooey's here!".  When she jumped off the toilet and looked in the bowl she said "Mama, it looks like a whale!"

As for me, I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately.  After going through a rough patch a little while back (yes, I had just recently given birth, but it went deeper than just that) I forced myself to look at who I wanted to be and what I had to do to make changes.  I wanted to be a more engaged and patient mum to my kids who mean the world to me.  Ella emulates my behaviours and words so much and I realised that there were times where I wasn't leading by best example.  I want my children to be as proud of their mama as I am of them.

The same thing can be said of Tim, I want to reconnect and be more engaged with him.  That sounds kind of harsh but I'm not sure how to articulate it better.  It's absolutely not that there is something wrong with our relationship.  Tim works hard at work and is gone from early in the morning and sometimes doesn't get home until late.  I work hard at home with the babies and keeping the house together and by the end of the day sometimes I feel like I don't have any more to give, so it's easy to get lazy and not put in as much effort as we should.  The good thing though is that I recognise this and just by being conscious of it, I already see changes.

Other things included being more organised and efficient with my time, using my time more wisely to do things that I enjoy like painting and making things and also getting my health back on track (when I say health, I just mean eating better and looking after myself).

I'm really proud of myself for the changes I've made to become a better me.  It's funny how just a small shift in attitude can change your complete outlook and I wish that I'd done it sooner instead of playing the martyr.  My life really is blessed and I tell myself that every day.